Hello everyone and Happy New Year! Let’s get down to business.
For starters, I will now be publishing my blog posts every Wednesday morning instead of Tuesday night until I start working again. In this way, I keep myself busy while Scar is in school and I am in a better place to get the writing done (rather than trying to get through a blog in the middle of the night after a rough or busy day).
I have set out plans to work on the books and short stories I have written. I want to be published and soon. I am going to start with a compilation of my stories and poems, adding new ones as I go. I plan on self-publishing that one and seeing where it goes. I am trying to take my work more seriously this year and I think I am finally in the correct mindset for it.
I will be working on leads to get into performance art, spoken word, monologues and the like. I want to find open mic nights and events that I can lend my talents to. Performing has eluded me long enough. It is time to take the bull by the horns.
All of this will, of course, coincide with my personal life; Scar, my head, my heart. I have a lot of new possibilities laid out for both she and I right now and for the first time in a long time I am really not afraid of the future.
I have had a couple of days where I have thought on my past a lot more than I usually do. The choices I have made and the things I have done have really been a nightmarish place where I find myself shocked that I am even alive and able to keep going, let alone be the mother and the writer that I am. The strength that has overcome me is so new and exciting. For the first time, I am treating the future like the blank slate that it truly is. No panic attacks and self-fulfilling prophecies. I am letting go of the illusion that I have control over anything beside myself. I am ready for a normal life. Finally. It took long enough but here I am.
I can’t tell you how much hope I have for everything. I really feel a change in the air. I feel like a new person. All of the pain in my life has finally taught me some of the most valuable lessons I will ever learn. I am ready to let go of the nightmares. I am ready to live my life the best way possible.
I will end this here for now. Just wanted to update everyone and get my blog in this week.