Alright

Wow. That was November. It happened. And now it is gone.

I worked on my second book, a semi-fictional memoir, for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) every single day when I could. When it came time for blogging night each week, I became too wrapped up in my book, recounting tales from my life intertwined with tales I have heard about others; a good thing, but it kept me from all of you! At least I have SO much to write about right now. Actually too much. Actually I need to find a focus. Even just with Scar.

Scar, by the way, is fantastic. Words can not describe how much progress has been made, though we still have a ways to go. We will always be finding ways to improve, which is fine with me. I am always trying to find ways to improve myself, anyway. I have said it on here before. We never stop working on ourselves, our focuses just change. Our priorities change. Life is always handing us different trials and such and we need to adapt. The wheel is always spinning and we are tied to it. We are either up or down and must adjust accordingly. And that is how it works with autism.

I do love that the dynamic between Scar and I has taken our bond to new places. Because of this constant self-discovery, we are both excited and frightened by life together. It helps me, in a way, to understand her more. If my life had not placed me in a position where I needed to embark on this journey within myself, I may be more distant to her. Not that I wouldn’t be providing the same kind of care, but I may be more confused about it (more than I already am). She has become like my best friend and my baby wrapped into one. And she just turned four yesterday. My. God. Four. Where did it all go?

I have also found myself in a transition period. A lot of new beginnings, all extremely positive. But birth is messy. Rebirth is messy. It isn’t the ends that are necessarily bad and in my case the end all is amazing for everyone in my life. But the transition itself has had its ups and downs and inside outs. But I am focused and I am ready to envelope myself in the bright light waiting down at the end of this tunnel. And it is not just a tunnel for the here and now. It is the tunnel that I have been running through for the last two years. I realized so much writing this memoir. I look back at where I started and it is so far from me now I can no longer see the entrance. But the exit. The exit is there. I am almost there. I feel so great about it. But in order to get there, there are few more things I need to do.

I am excited about my life. About 2017. I know it is easy for everyone to say “This year will be my year.” And we all say it every year. This year, however, I feel it. To be honest, 2015 was the worst year of my life. 2016 really wasn’t. It was an odd year, for everyone, that’s for sure. But it had both highs and lows for me, indicative of great change. Even everything going on with Scar. This is the year I found out what it was and I was able to do what I needed to in order to help her. So really, 2017 can only go up, as long as I want it and allow it and truly focus on changing and creating new things for myself, my family, and my friends.

I am almost there. I can even feel the heat of the light leaking into the tunnel. I am perspiring from it. And as the holidays draw near, I am excited for them and all that lies beyond them. Next week I will return to my usual updates about Scar, all of her progress, her antics, her sweetness. But today, I wanted to reintroduce myself.

I am Alyssa Ruggiero. I have an amazing four-year-old with autism. I am working on two different books, looking to get my masters, and revamping my resume to find a bomb-ass job. I like the beach and the park and chicken pot pie. I am Wiccan and I take it very seriously. I spend many afternoons in the cemetery. I have the best friends in the world and they are extremely loving and supportive of my child and I. Things are looking up for me at this juncture. I am putting one foot in front of the other. And most importantly, I am not afraid anymore.

I am Alyssa Ruggiero and I am going to be alright.

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