I decided this week to take a moment for me. I have been working on this poem for a few weeks. I may continue but this is what I have so far. I had an experience a few weeks back with someone questioning my airy way of showing and giving so much of myself and I began to jot this in my notes on my phone. This week I somewhat finished it. I had a sudden surge of creative energy over the weekend, especially since I spent a lot of time with my chosen family, who mark me as one of them, old friends that never forgot the light, and brand new friends that enjoyed it.
So I know that most of you that know me that are reading this do accept me for me and for that I thank you. The “you” in this is anyone that has questioned or will question why I am the person I am or just don’t get me. And they are at a loss because I am pretty awesome.
Polite to a fault, a heart the size of the moon but so many misinterpretations paint me in nicotine colored light when really the light is white. Beaming, electric white. It has been uphill to show some what that light is worth. It has been an easy slope to feel the love of friends who don’t need to shield their eyes from it.
I am really quite a special little thing.
My eyes will not simply see you, they will feel you, every inch of you scanned but not with cynical mistrust but for understanding, so that I may care for you better, even if our meeting takes only a moment.
To be seen as anything but special does not bode well with me. It is quite simply the only thing I know how to be. My emotions are misconstrued. I put on masks sometimes but they make me ugly. You are fortunate if you have seen the mask off. No need to fear my true face. I am not scary. I am filled with stars. Sometimes they bounce about in my belly as I listen to your story. Sometimes they shoot from my eyes and my fingertips as I wax poetic about the things that mean the world to me. All I can do is embrace that this is how they made me.
My confidence has been torn down and rebuilt so many times that you should know by now that it is forged from iron and designed to be storm proof. No matter how you decided to judge my soul, that judgment is yours alone to keep. If you decide to attack the light, accept it as anything but wonderful, you only allow me the opportunity to prove you wrong.
The light has lasted years. There have been times when it burned out and needed a new bulb. There have been days that it has flickered and nights that it has dimmed. But it is always there for me to share. Nothing will take it from me.
You can take me as I am or not at all. My soul is heavy and I have sparked the lantern in order to see my way as I carry it. It has opened my heart. It has made me beautiful. It has shown me ways to love others. I have not worn the masks lately. I have decided that I am graced with amazing humanity. If that makes you think that I am crazy then you don’t know how incredible it is to be filled with this giving, hope-filled, bright glowing light. And I will never let anyone smash that bulb, capture the stars, toss water on the flame.
If you choose to succumb to the light, all I can promise is that you will never regret it for I am a special little thing.