Yesterday, I entered my daughter’s name into a database that will now decide where she will spend her days during the 2016/2017 school year. I had to research and pick schools and place them in the order in which I would like them to evaluate before ultimately choosing a school. It was mind-numbing. I sat there at my computer as I would doing the taxes or writing a chapter, but suddenly it didn’t feel so usual. The adrenaline rushed over me rather quickly and I began to question my choices carefully. This is it, after all. This is school. This is Scarlett moving on to bigger and better things in her little life that will propel her through her education. It is the foundation that will be laid for years to come as she learns new words, attends field trips, and meets different personalities that will help her navigate social relationships. She isn’t afraid. Why am I? Does she simply not know to be afraid? Would she care if she did? I was terrified to hit submit. All my rearing has brought me to this point: putting her out into the world so she can begin showing it who’s boss. Isn’t that what it really is that we, as mothers, fear when we do things like this? That we have done right by the little person who is now making their debut? Right enough that there really should be nothing to fear after all?
It got me thinking about how I moved up (and down and up and down and up) through my life and if I considered where I am standing to be a success. If I am happily floating along then she is too. I picked up my book today and thumbed through it. I need to finish the damn thing and try to publish it. This is something I can do while she is out in the world having her new adventures. It will curb the fear knowing that she can say that I always kept growing along with her. I always counted that as one of the greatest things I could teach her going forward in the world: never lose hope, always keep building towards bigger and better. Always cultivate your talent, never let it lay dormant.
My little girl is going to go to PreK this September. And I am going to show her how to make the most of the time you have to yourself in order to succeed in your dreams. And when she comes home I will then have the time to sit down and help her figure out hers. 2016 isn’t just my year, it’s OUR year.