The Trials of Being a Gentleman


I take a moment to step off of my feminist soap box, hand crafted since the day I was born by my liberal mother and my vast life experience with heartache, and apologize. It would appear that the few good ones in the world who still like to order their ladies dinner at a restaurant or hold open a door or put away the groceries are met with a special kind of animosity that diminishes their desire to be well-meaning.

“I can speak for myself,” she says in a grateful yet firm and condescending tone.
“I have hands,” she declares only half kidding.
“I need to know where the Nutella is kept! Put it down!” she cries, pre-menses, as she chucks a roll of paper towel at his face

I appreciate the little things. Do I want you to TELL me what I should eat? No. But if you ask me what I’m having and I tell you and you happen to ask the waiter for it, I’ll be fucking delighted. Why not? How are things like this unacceptable? It becomes difficult to walk the line between feminist and Scarlett O’Hara but I manage to pull it off quite nicely.

Humans being humans. Everything stays so black and white. Have a majority of us not evolved enough to see the grey area? And we are misled by the evolution of human consciousness into thinking that we are so progressive intellectually as a species that we let women vote! No – women should always have rights such as voting, equal pay, respect for their bodies and souls. But does that mean that dude can’t clean my kitchen?
We have simply pushed across the spectrum and are forcing our species to the other side without stopping and thinking that a true humane middle ground exists.

Pull my chair out. Don’t tell me where to sit.
Guide me over a puddle. Don’t tell me where to walk.
Cook me a meal. Don’t patronize me with “you get what I make or you get nothing.”
Have sex with me. Don’t tell me what to do with my body.

Being a gentleman is hard in a world where you have to walk on egg shells in order to please people. Political correctness has become a bit out of control. AND there is the issue of humans being jaded. All humans, not just women. These acts of kindness can be misconstrued as deceit. Why are we so bitter? It is a good question. With the world around us evolving faster than we are ourselves and the social media exposure to the way some humans really operate, it is a wonder we trust anyone at all. But we should. We have generations ahead of us that need to feel compassion and love. They need to trust in order to get through some of the toughest times in this world. And our boys need to be gentlemen. Because the next time a campus is up in arms about a horrid rape situation, we need to see more and more of our boys on the frontlines holding up signs that say “Real Men Don’t Rape.”

It is okay to accept kindness and to give it. It is what keeps us alive as a species. Strike a balance. Raise your son to hold a door. But raise him to ask whether or not she wants to be on the other side of it.


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