There has been ugly present in my life since January 1, 2015.
My impending divorce. Two deaths. Two trips to the emergency room. Ends of friendships. Ends of family relationships. Heartache. Heartbreak. Watching people walk away without saying goodbye. Taking a break from school. Taking a break from my book. Wanting to do nothing but sleep. Unable to eat. Unable to art. I could literally sit here all day and keep listing shit.
I have also learned to draw anime. Lost several pounds. Went the beach at Coney Island for the first time in years. Saw a few shows. Worked on a play with a new theater company. Learned about a culture I was not familiar with. Went on my first real date EVER. Made friends with amazing people. Reunited with people I hadn’t seen in years.
I also watched my daughter learn to put together sentences. Jump in the sprinklers. Memorize and sing every song on the radio. Dance along with her favorite movie. Make a new little friend whom she asks for now. Learn to play with other children. Draw pictures so intricate all over my living room wall. Pretend to be a frog. Figure out the workings of a doll house. Tell me she loved me.
There has been so much ugly. But then there is always beauty. It is the reason that I never give up. I never regret. I am never afraid to cry. I never hold back laughter. I refuse to back down. I am just riding the waves up and down. Wading through the shit with the future in mind. Taking breaks and breathing are not the end. The only end is when you close your eyes and your body decides to never open them again. And I plan on making the most of life until that happens. Even the ugly.