Infected by Humanity

Who truly leads a mundane life? I want to know how anyone could function on a day to day level without anything insane going on in there personal lives. Without any excitement or chaos or love or hate or surprise. And if I could compile a list of those people, I would like to go about slapping them across the faces.

I try to imagine my normal life. The one that I almost led. 2.5 children. White picket fence. All of the American cliches that women are revved up to look forward to from a young age. “Find someone to take care of you and you will have everything that you ever imagined.” I try to imagine a normal college degree and a 9-5 in a box where I don’t connect with any of the people around me. It is the most difficult thing to imagine.

When I find myself thinking about this, I take in my surroundings. I look at what I have done and what I have acquired in 27 years. I look at all the good days and the bad days, more of the latter than the former as of late. But if faced with the choice to go back and change it, I could not dream of ever doing so. In this present moment, though chaotic, I know that there will be peace. Even if the peace is followed with another drop of chaos. Because that is really how this all works. Because when you are laid in a casket or set aflame, it is important that you really understood the point of being here in the first place. You understood what it was to truly be a human being. With all the compassion and rage and mourning and triumph and strength that your body had mustered in all of its years of walking on this planet.

I take comfort in knowing that as I turn to ash, the soot will carry streams of tears and wrinkles from the smiles and the laughter my face endured. It will carry the kisses my daughter lays on my right cheek or the punches that fell upon my left. And oh my heart. It will still be so full that it will spark upon ignition. And my child will hopefully adopt the same ideas about being a human being and I know that I will be leaving someone just as loving and capable on the Earth to spread the infection of humanity.

This is why I wake up every morning. This is why I love my life, no matter how many times I fall down. I get back up for Scarlett. And I get back up for the human race.


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